he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize