I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize