Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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