I'm really into asian looking animals
how can u be prego again
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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