Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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