farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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