I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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