tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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