So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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