if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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