Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize