none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Where is the hickey?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize