Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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