I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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