So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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