Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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