if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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