I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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