If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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