Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize