Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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