i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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