i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize