My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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