where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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