my phone needs a breathalizer
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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