Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize