I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize