I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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