'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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