its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize