You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
