Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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