you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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