im drinking this country out of the recession.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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