i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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