after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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