highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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