I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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