textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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