You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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