I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize