Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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