I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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