Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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