Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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