and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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