a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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