Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
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Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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