I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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