i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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